I used to make movies

Some threads are just too funny and deserve their place in the history of STF. Others remind us of sad times and others simply are a part of history of the site. Here is a collection of some of these.
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Which film festival will accept my movies

Cannes film festival
5
45%
Sundance Film Festival
0
No votes
Chicago International Children's Film Festival
2
18%
Fresh Film Festival in Karlovy Vary
0
No votes
West Main Festival - Barbeque and Movies
4
36%
 
Total votes: 11

ChainDead
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I used to make movies

Post by ChainDead » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:00 pm

Image

Yeah, that's true, back in the old days I've been a real 3DSMax wiz 8-)

Here are two movies I made, please don't rewind [specialy part 2] cause you can miss all the effects

Code: Select all

File Name .......: Adventures of a Tree - part 1 - begining.avi
File Size .......: 1,45 MB

Duration ........: 00:00:33
Video Codec .....: XviD MPEG-4 codec
Video Bitrate ...: 239 KB/s
Resolution ......: 320 x 240
Aspect Ratio ....: 1.33:1
Framerate .......: 30,000 FPS

Audio Codec .....: MPEG-1 Layer 3 (MP3)
Audio Bitrate ...: 125 KB/s (VBR)
Channels ........: 2 Ch
Adventures.of.a.tree.-.part.1.-.Begining.avi
RIGHT CLICK AND CHOOSE "SAVE AS"

Code: Select all

File Name .......: Adventures of a Tree - part 2 - new home.avi
File Size .......: 2,07 MB

Duration ........: 00:00:28
Video Codec .....: XviD MPEG-4 codec
Video Bitrate ...: 231 KB/s
Resolution ......: 320 x 240
Aspect Ratio ....: 1.33:1
Framerate .......: 30,000 FPS

Audio Codec .....: Microsoft PCM Format
Audio Bitrate ...: 384 KB/s
Channels ........: 2 Ch
Adventures.of.a.tree.-.part.2.-.New.Home.avi
RIGHT CLICK AND CHOOSE "SAVE AS"

Shai-Hulud
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Post by Shai-Hulud » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:40 pm

Do you want me to write a honest in-depth review or a joke?

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Post by ChainDead » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:53 pm

you didn't like it?

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Post by Shai-Hulud » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:56 pm

Chaindead wrote:you didn't like it?
So you do want a review. :D OK, comming soon. ;)

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Post by n7of9 » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:07 pm

bbq and movies...wohhooo...i'm there

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Post by Shai-Hulud » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:37 pm

Here goes the review:

WARNING! It contains major spoilers!
Adventures of a... broken home...?

The movie industry gives us many emotional experiences. It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, it can even change our way of thinking.

Today I had the doubtful "pleasure" of watching two short movies brought to us by Neurotic Entertainment - an idustry, you don't really want to remember. Both movies were presented in a horrible quality, totally eaten up by the XviD compression at ~230 Kb per second featuring a stereo sound which still may be the best part of them, but we get to it later.

Adventures of a Tree - Part 1 - Beginning
In the first movie, the director introduces us to a light-brown tree, lightened from one side, with the camera rotating around it, changing slightly vertical angle, standing on a green plane. What did the director have in mind? "I got too much time, I am completely bored and I downloaded illegally 3DsMax"? Or maybe: "I don't have access to the templates folder on STF so I'm going to terrorize the Admins with everything I find on my HDD, even if the HDD itself does have enough IQ to delete it without the user's agreement"? No! The director tells us literally what he wants us to think about it: "Tree is doing nothing!". That's it. No hidden messages, no higher thoughts... the tree is just doing nothing. Well... at least id doesn't publish it's "movies.
The soundtrack is a little bit more complex. At first we hear a couple of badly looped wind sounds and then comes an instrumental melody, which is the only thing worth waiting for the firts 19 seconds. Hopefully it's the director's own composition...

Adventures of a Tree - Part 2 - New Home
The second movie is a sequel to "Adventures of a Tree - Beginning"... at least that's what we may think reading the title, but despite the bad quality and... the "message", which doesn't really exist, nothing else reminds us of the first work. This time the camera is static, pointed at a slightly purple tree standing on a weird floor, reminding of a long-term junkie's psychodelic trip beyong the boundaries of logical thinking... or any thinking for that matter. But something weird happens with the floor. It seems to be liquid and somehow trapped in a time-loop. A sensational CGI masterpiece, which we won't see even in the upcomming "Stargate" movie... maybe because it's too expensive even for the big industries or because... it's crap. And again, we contemplate about the message. Is there any? Did the director took the right pills? And surprise, surprise - the message comes right on the screen in plain english: "is there? something wrong with the floor". As everybody, who made it through the 3rd grade can see, the first verse is a question ("is there?") and the second one not ("something wrong with the floor"). So this time, the message isn't as clear as in the first movie. What did the director wanted to say with "is there?"? Is there another bottle of this stuff in the fridge? Is there a delete button? Is there a doctor in the house? No! He stays on the ground of reality and gives us the answer - "something wrong with the floor". And yes there is, it's as badly looped as the sound effects in the previous movie.
Speaking of sound, this time we hear an intrumental composition right from the beginning... without any fade-in and fade-out, but could we really expect that after this kind of visual terrorism?

The movie industry has many faces - happy faces, sad faces, but it also has an ass... and today we finally saw it.

The director publishing two movies wrote: "please don't rewind [specialy part 2] cause you can miss all the effects". I would say, pleas don't push play, cause you may miss 1 minute of your life, which can take you a lifetime to forget.

Shai-Hulud
;)

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Post by ChainDead » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:48 pm

Shai-Hulud wrote: What did the director have in mind? "I got too much time, I am completely bored and I downloaded illegally 3DsMax"? Or maybe: "I don't have access to the templates folder on STF so I'm going to terrorize the Admins with everything I find on my HDD, even if the HDD itself does have enough IQ to delete it without the user's agreement"?
OMG! that's hilarious! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Post by Crashst3r » Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:25 pm

LMAO.. You'd defo make a good film critic.. Very funny read..

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Post by Ninja » Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:05 pm

Shai-Hulud wrote:The movie industry has many faces - happy faces, sad faces, but it also has an ass... and today we finally saw it. "
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks to both of you for that little gem! When i finish scraping my eyeballs out of the toilet (where i lobbed them in a spastic fit after seeing that floor move) i'll come back and read that again... Pure gold! :lol: :lol: :lol:

You're a genius Chaindead... I really liked the music, very pensive and that tree was just magical. It should be in the next Bring It On.... in fact that would make a good sequel...

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Post by nuff-ced » Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:37 pm

wow is there a way to get back 1 minute of my life? or do you have something in trade? i might not be an artsy type guy..but i just dont get it. i guess im square.now fall or nothing id see in a heartbeat.....

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Post by eisenfaust » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:31 pm

So everyones a critic now?? No one seems to realise the enormous potential this young aspiring film-maker has..after seeing that cinematic masterpiece i was so overwhelmed with sheer joy,that i almost crapped my pants!! :P

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Post by voetsak » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:24 pm

CD, the movie was lovely...I cried all the way through. I've watched them over and over. Please make more.
Shy, your post was so clever, and so very funny. You have a wonderful humourous writing talent..you really do.
I've picked that up in your posts before this, but you outdid yourself here.

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Post by Shai-Hulud » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:02 pm

Crashst3r wrote:LMAO.. You'd defo make a good film critic.. Very funny read..
voetsak wrote:your post was so clever, and so very funny. You have a wonderful humourous writing talent..you really do
My pleasure. :) I assume I'm nominated for the GTA... Golden Tree Award in the category "not committing suicide whilst criticizing a very very bad movie". Thanks, Chaindead, that's the start of my career... :D ...and mental illness :crazy

Seriously, these... ekhm... "movies" really have a potential. :? Chaindead, can I be your manager? :D 75% for me, 25% for you - a fair share :P . A small promotion on YouTube with a link to STF (1,000,000 potential STF users - sounds good) and then a website (treecollection.com is still free) with the whole tree collection - all in the original crappy quality, but once you'll send TREECRAP via SMS, you'll get the special "scope" version in... 564x240 (would only work until it leaks out to the eD2k network). Of course every movie would be reviewed by a professional group of well paid critics (that would be me).

I hope you still have the 3DsMax's projects...? ;)

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Post by dougieee » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:08 pm

What an audio visual masterpiece!!! I think shy was overly critical in his assessment of "The tree collection".
Clearlt shy didnt watch it 30 to 40 times after which point your brains dribble out the bottom of your head.
Great work CD, is there possibly a subliminal message hidden, i cant help wondering :? :? :?

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Post by voetsak » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:09 pm

Shy, don't stop. You have me tickled pink. I am serious about what I wrote.
CD, I would love to watch your movie in an IMAX theatre...it would be unbelievable.
Doug, you're another comic..we could get you guys writing for TV comedians.
Oh, what a lovely morning.

EDIT...can I change my vote? I didn't notice the BBQ.

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Post by Shai-Hulud » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:24 pm

dougieee wrote:I think shy was overly critical in his assessment of "The tree collection".
I haven't criticized the whole "Tree Collection" as I assume, Chaindead has more of these on his HDD (which I strongly hope, won't left the drive), since we all know - calling something a collection on STF means there are at least tre...three tree movies. Let me guess the title - T(h)ree?
dougieee wrote:Clearlt shy didnt watch it 30 to 40 times after which point your brains dribble out the bottom of your head.
Again? OK, but only if you will tell my doctor why I get leafs growing out of my ears? :?
dougieee wrote:is there possibly a subliminal message hidden, i cant help wondering :? :? :?
"All the leaves are brown
And the sky is gray"

Tree is doing nothing
"On a winter's day"
voetsak wrote:CD, I would love to watch your movie in an IMAX theatre...it would be unbelievable.
Especially the same version resized to the IMAX resolution of about 10000 x 7000 pixels. :shock:

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Post by voetsak » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:49 pm

:lol: Darn, I have to go. I shall return anon.
"All the leaves are brown
And the sky is gray"
Tree is doing nothing
"On a winter's day"
:lol:
:lol:

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Post by Crashst3r » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:50 pm

Dude wasn't you commited after making your movies.. First one kinda makes you dizzy, spinning round an round an round an round an round the tree.. An the second one.. *tumble weed*.. See lost for words... :shock:

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Post by ChainDead » Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:28 am

You guys are really something! or maybe just nothing :P

Now I feel bad for deleting my 3 minute movie with a dancing robot :(

:lol2 @ Spit Ninja

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Post by NeHarawa » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:25 pm

this thread is a perl roflmao
thank you guys !

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Post by powerl13 » Sat Jul 26, 2008 4:57 am

:lol: Just stumbled across this. I miss CD! Can I say put in Classics please!!

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Post by n7of9 » Sat Jul 26, 2008 7:45 am

okidoki :)

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